Sunday, August 16, 2009


First, they stole my bike back in 2005. Now they ruin my freaking car. No kidding, car crash today with some Nazis. I have had enough. We had a nice day today really, went out to lunch at the hotel, sat on the terrace outside with a nice view of the city. Later we continued on to pick up a friend and go view some bunnies outside of town, then we went to the Polenztal, a nice, cool valley full of rocky cliffs and a nice little river, very cool on such a hot day. Then, on the way back to Dresden, it happened. We had planned to stop by and visit some friends on the way back into town, but the Nazis stopped us. We were driving, and came to a construction site with a big steel plate covering a hole or something. We slowed considerably to drive over the plate, not wanting to damage our tires, and the next thing we know there is a Mercedes behind us honking like a wild man and a crash. The jerk hit us. He came out of nowhere, and attempted to pass us in the construction site, but obviously had some trouble judging the size of his car, because he smashed up his front end on the right side and our rear bumper on the left. Or maybe he hadn't attempted to pass, but hit us out of anger that we were driving a foreign car that is nicer than his. I wouldn't put it past such a Nazi. But wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. Mr. Nazi pulled off to the side of the road, we stayed where we were due to evidence. Mr. Nazi approached our car, we locked the doors and kept the windows up and called the police. You see, Mr. Nazi walked sort of like an ape, had a shaved head tatooed with none other than the devil himself, and some kind of old German script on the back window of his crap Mercedes saying something about the Sächsische Schweiz. Not only is the Sächsische Schweiz (where we were) a very beautiful place to go hiking and has been immortalized by numerous artists in many fantastic works, but it is also a cozy little Nazi nest. Mr. Nazi had a license plate from the area, so apparently he is a local, and the old German script on his rear windshield saying something about the Sächsische Schweiz sort of gave him away.
While waiting for the police, Mr. Nazi was telephoning an awful lot. Then the carloads of Nazis started rolling in. Car after car full of shirtless tatooed Nazis came and talked to Mr. Nazi and his girlfriend. Mr. Nazi also went to some people who had been sitting outside their house near the scene and told them what to tell the police. And here we sat, cozy in our air conditioned, banged up car, waiting for the police to come for 45 minutes while the Nazis had a little party surrounding our car. That was a bit uncomfortable. Finally the police arrived, and for the officer, Mr. Nazi was clearly guilty. Hello, Mr. Nazi! Passing in a construction zone! Hello, Mr. Nazi! Driving way too fast in a village! Mr. Nazi was also a bit aggressive, so it turns out to have been a very good decision to just lock the doors and not talk to him without police presence. And the whole time, the other Nazis were milling around, driving around, talking about the accident. Probably also trying to get a good look at us and memorizing our license plate number to enter into their database of people they don't like. You see, we've done some research on Mr. Nazi, since we have his name and address from the police report, and it turns out that yes, he truly is a Nazi. He was convicted of beating up some Vietnamese guys in another village in 2003, and threatening some refugees with a pistol. Super! Mr. Nazi has a gun! And his Nazi friends really do keep a database of names and addresses of liberals and probably anybody they don't like, so we probably are in there now too. Well, he doesn't have my name, but he has another name, and an address, but fortunately not an address we'll be using much longer. We are considering going to another undisclosed location until we can move into our permanent undisclosed location.

If you'd like to have a look at what kinds of nonsense those silly Nazis commit here in the area and read German, have a look here. It's an interesting chronicle of their little games. Maybe you'll even figure out who rear-ended us.

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