Another Marathon Tour

Last weekend, in honor of yet another holiday weekend in Germany, aka "Workers' Paradise", we biked/skated to Meißen. This constituted a round trip of approx. 50 kilometers once again. It was a lovely day and because of my allergy to sunscreen (I get red itchy welts, it's fantastic) I am actually getting a decent tan for the first time in my life. Enjoy the view even if you didn't work your muscles or get a sunburn on the way.














No, I didn't edit this picture to make it look more interesting, that patch of bright yellow is a rapeseed field, of which you can see many these days due to organic fuel production.















We don't need that silly World Cultural Heritage Site in Dresden, you have nearly the same view on the way to Meißen too! Build the bridge!













This sign was spotted along the way at a (not so famous) bridge construction site. Just in case you don't happen to notice the painfully obvious fact that the bridge is not even near completion, they put up this sign.
















We arrived in Meißen, took a couple pictures, and turned around for the ride back...



















It's balloon season again! On a different majestic spring day, we spotted a whole bunch of balloons getting ready for takeoff by the Elbe. This particular one tipped over a couple of times while the passengers were already in the basket. I think I would've disembarked at that point...
























Here's another one the same day floating by the Frauenkirche.

On the wrong side of the tracks in Senftenberg

Yesterday we planned a sporty day at the Lusatian lakes (Lausitzer Seenland), which are actually flooded strip mines. It's a string of many lakes with bike and skate paths more or less around all of them. We mistakenly planned to start at Senftenberg, leaving Dresden-Neustadt at 10:52 on the train and arriving in Senftenberg at a little after 12:00. Just running to catch the train was enough exercise for me. First I felt optimistic about seeing a new town, but slowly my optimism faded as we wandered through the town looking for the Senftenberg lake, seemingly going in circles. When we finally found the lake, the bike path, which is supposedly also a skate path, was actually not so good. It was no problem for me and Willy on the bike, but for the two skaters among us, the bumpy brick path was not ideal. Then it started to thunder and get dark. We consulted a restaurant on the path about where the good skate paths are (this area is advertised as a great skating area) and they had no idea. Luckily after nearly losing all hope, some other people on the path stopped us and said we were going the wrong way, because soon the path would turn to gravel. Fantastic. Thanks for the tip. So we got out of Senftenberg as quickly as we could, locating another bike path which would take us to the next village, Kleinkoschen or Grosskoschen or something like that. Here we could supposedly start on the great path around Geierswalder lake. Well, after someone on the street sent us in the wrong direction, we finally found the path, the start of which was a lovely slippery mud. After getting through that, all hope was nearly lost because there was no place to sit and have lunch, and then we saw a police boat on the lake seemingly searching for a corpse. So we pretty much just sat in the mud and threw back our sandwiches, and after consulting on whether to just turn around and go home or continue on and try our luck, we tried our luck. We were able to ride/skate for about 15 minutes on a really good path and started to feel better about our trip when we reached the street and what seemed like the end of our nerves and the path. We checked the map, and it looked like we could continue on (but the paths in Senftenberg were also marked as good skate paths on this map, so who knew?), so we continued on. And as luck would have it, we finally found the good paths! From here on we were able to bike/skate around 2 lakes, we also finally had sunny weather and better moods. Finally we were able to really just ride and ride for about three or four hours.



















It's actually a very picturesque area when you finally get there. It's also good for amateurs because the landscape is very flat, thus making the ride easy.




















This rock is in memory of the villages Sorno and Rosendorf, which were where that water is now. Apparently the people in those villages weren't too well informed about the plans for their towns, they just weren't allowed to make any major repairs on their houses starting in the 1960s and were told to move out in 1970 to make way for the coal mines. I guess that's just the way it is when you live in a communist dictatorship where everybody owns everything and nobody owns anything.
























Here's a closeup of an informational sign on the path, you can see how they mined the area. These machines are like the ones we saw on display in Ferropolis.
























We found this little gem in Sedlitz, a monument to the founders of the German Reich. These actually aren't as rare as you might think considering their historically loaded symbols, there are lots of them still existing in villages. It was erected in 1911 and says "In memory of the fallen, in recognition of the living and to the emulation of following generations." And Sedlitz was the end of our journey around 7 pm. We'd hoped to find a watering hole where the boys could drink a beer and I could get some ice cream, but we only found a closed restaurant and another shady little dive with a private party. After getting stared at by the townies, we called it a day and just waited around at the train station until our train came.

Remember White Rabbit!























This white rabbit was spotted in the Bahnbogengalerie by Bahnhof Mitte in Dresden. Not only is this outdoor gallery worth seeing because of the white rabbit, it's all around pretty interesting because it shows lots of Saxony's and Dresden's sights in a nice artistic presentation. This one is one of the less colorful pictures, others are more colorful and in different styles. It's a good use of otherwise boring old walls.

Nice legs?!?

Today it happened again...I was riding my bike and some construction worker whistled at me. I looked around to see if maybe some attractive young blonde in a tank top and pants was riding around flashing her muffin tops, but no, I was the only person for miles around. Maybe there was some interesting news on the radio in his truck? No, I didn't hear any radio playing. So he must've meant me, because I saw him look out his window at me...maybe he's legally blind. Come on, what's there to whistle at about me? I'm wearing my fat pants today, the ones I bought this weekend because all of my other pants are either worn out or don't fit me any more after having a kid, breaking my knee cap and being sick for a week and lying on the sofa and eating ice cream the whole time. Perhaps he had his beer goggles on?

This happened to me about a month ago, too. I was riding to one of my classes in Striesen, and I'm sure you know by the end of that ride I was huffing and puffing and sweating in the shape that I'm in. Well, some construction worker was standing by his truck and yelled "Nice legs!!" I had a skirt on, but a long one that covered my knees even on the bike. Maybe he was joking? I looked back, and as he was staring I just laughed as loudly as I could. It must've been a joke. And good lord, both of these times I had on my very sexy and attractive bike helmet too. What is wrong with the world?

Either way, after putting on my fat pants and sweating my a** off on the way to work, it does feel kind of nice to be objectified a little...

This is Colonel Sanders. I'm pretty sure he didn't come to Dresden and give somebody a crash course in frying chicken.

Friday's lesson

Since today too is a day off for my students due to my illness, I thought I would keep up with what I started on Wednesday, that is an online lesson so you can learn something even in my absence. This is hopefully the last one of these, as I will be returning to work on Monday, as long as I don't get sick again on the weekend.
Today's lesson is:


DFC - WTF??


A while ago, maybe a couple weeks ago, while strolling along Königsbrücker Strasse I noticed that a new place would be opening up. The windows were all covered, and one could only read the sign "Coming soon: DFC" I thought, "Oh great, Dresden fan club or Dynamo fan club or some such idiocy. A bar for football rowdies just around the corner from my house. Fantastic." Well, it turns out my suspicions were unfounded. This place is something completely different: Dresden Fried Chicken. And this leads me to the core of today's lesson. Upon hearing the words "Dresden Fried Chicken", I immediately asked myself "WTF??" I believe I even said it aloud, out of earshot of my child of course. The words to this abbreviation are "What the f*+/k?" You see this abbreviation often in rather lower class English "literature", websites and email. But I mean really, you have to admit, you'd have asked yourself the same. Come on, we're not in the South here, we're in Dresden, about the most white bread place I've ever been to. So who knows how to make fried chicken here? I'm pretty sure it's not Colonel Sanders. I know they have a long tradition of broiled chicken here, stemming from DDR days. You can even still see the broiler vendors at the street markets, selling hot broilers to the hardcore Dresdner even on icy cold days. And don't ask me what got East Germany hooked on broilers, so hooked as to even use the English word for them (and this is a phenomenon that really only is in the East). But that's off the point. There's a big difference between broiler chickens and fried chicken. I'm a vegetarian and even I know that. So what's up with this place? I think I'll have to go into the field and do a photo expose. Who wants to bet me that what they're actually selling is broilers under false pretenses? Any takers?

Thursday's lesson

Since I had so much fun writing yesterday's lesson, I thought I'd do one for my Thursday students who are missing out on my presence today. Today's lesson is

Feed a cold, starve a flu.

This is a common saying you hear (or at least that I heard) in the United States when cold and flu season rolled around. I realize that it is actually the end of cold and flu season right now, but a lot of people are sick again, if not with a cold or a flu, then with German weather disease, due to the constant changing of temperature, precipitation and sunniness.

This saying is, in fact, a myth. I often heard that one should really do the opposite, that is, starve a cold and feed a flu. That too is a myth. In reality, what one should do in either case is to eat enough to satisfy your appetite, and drink even more. But not alcohol! That dries you out. You need to be drinking water and tea, especially.

Unfortunately, I only just found out that this saying is a myth a little too late. I have been really feeding my cold with the hope of recovering faster in relation to how much I eat. I tried to improve my chances of recovering faster with calorie rich foods, such as chocolate, ice cream, popcorn, grilled cheese sandwiches, creamy soups, gummy bears... So maybe when I reappear to the outside world, you will find that I have recovered and gained a nice set of muffin tops, too. (See below)

Today's Lesson

Sadly, since I lost my voice due to this nasty cold I've come down with this week, I had to cancel all of my classes today and tomorrow. But that will not stop us from learning! Though I can't tell you any funny stories this week, I can write you something from which you can learn. So, this week we have an online lesson, honoring my new favorite English term:

Muffin Tops

In its original, literal meaning, this term refers to, logically, the delicious, crispy tops of muffins. See below. They are better than the bottoms of muffins because they are crispy but not dry, and not so moist and possibly unbaked like the rest of the muffin, usually covered with the muffin paper.











In these pictures, you can see that muffin tops come in different shapes and sizes, some flat, others round, but all delicious. There are some places where you can buy just muffin tops with no actual muffin. I do not believe in this. They might it well call it what it really is, a cookie.

Now, we continue on to the figurative meaning of muffin tops. This is a relatively new slang term, originating in about 2003. Muffin tops refers to that fat that sometimes peeks out of one's clothing when wearing tight, low-cut jeans and a shirt that does not offer enough coverage. This term emerged at about the same time as the fashion trend for extremely low-cut jeans and pants. Older terms for this same anatomical phenomenon include "spare tire" and "love handles".









As with literal muffin tops, you can see that these come in various shapes, sizes and colors. This fashion problem can happen to men as well as women. The figurative muffin tops are usually not crispy, unless sunburned, and are certainly never delicious.

I really, really want this t-shirt. Oops, does that tell you something about my voting preference? I hope I'm not breaking the law by writing this.

Mom: What's your favorite band?

Willy: AC/DC!

Mom: What's your favorite song?

Willy: Big Balls!

This is an actual conversation which we had this evening at the dinner table. For the uninitiated, Willy is only 22 months old...

Connoisseur









These are not only a few of my favorite things, but also Wilhelm's. In keeping with his taste at the age of 2 weeks (see Rock'n'roll baby, June 2006), he is a great connoisseur of music, demanding "muckes" or, starting today, "music", whenever we enter the kitchen or living room, our prime music rooms. Of course, I ask what he'd like to hear, maybe the Beatles? "Beatles, ja" he says. How about Belle and Sebastian? "Still blue" he says, reciting the lyrics of The Blues are Still Blue, one of his Belle and Sebastian favorites. (I am not exaggerating, he really recites that song.) Then I suggest Sufjan: "SUF-jan!" he says. "Ja! SUF-jan!" So I guess that's what we'll play. Then the whole thing continues. We don't just listen to the music, Wilhelm then goes to the speakers and greets the music, saying "Ooooh! Muckes!" then comes to me, hugs my leg, and pleads "Dance!" Well, what can I do? I pick him up and we dance. Then he looks deep into my eyes and says "Sing!" This could go on for a good hour or more. And I can't really complain, the kid has good taste.

In search of the illusive fashion herb















We went to Polenztal in the Sächsische Schweiz yesterday, braving rain and cold in search of the very fashionable Bärlauch, aka wild garlic. This time of year you can get rolls with wild garlic, cheese with wild garlic, every foodstuff you can possibly imagine, all with wild garlic!! This has only been going on for the last couple years, as far as I can remember. Supposedly, it tastes like a mild garlic (which it does) but doesn't stink like garlic (which I contest, as do some of my students). You can see it above, that lovely long leaf in the middle. At least that looks like it. You see, wild garlic has a wicked little Doppelgänger, the pretty and highly poisonous lily of the valley. Last year at the same time we had to throw away a whole bag of leaves that looked like wild garlic because I also picked a whole bunch of lily of the valley leaves. Oops. So what we did this year, which is probably pretty forbidden, was dig up a couple of the little guys and plant them on the balcony to see what they turn into - lilies or Lauch? We already had some wild garlic, but with our lovely German weather this spring, it started growing and then got frozen.
What we did get yesterday and eat was a whole bag full of watercress. My in-house chef turned it into a delicious salad with endives and some homemade dressing. It tasted good, but if I die suddenly, you'll know he didn't clean it well enough and I got a fox tapeworm. My life is so adventurous!















I stayed out of the herb collecting this time around, what with my massive failure last year, and hung out, looked after the kid, and took pictures of the scenery, asking myself the whole time: "Why did we bother going to Gomera for Christmas when we can see all this cool moss and rainy forest scenery right here practically in our back yard, with way easier trails?"




















Everything was so green!




















And so fantastically mossy!















Then we got stalked by some ducks. I think they had rabies.















We were even lucky enough to see this precious little doc hopper.
By the time doc hopper hopped along, I was getting hungry and moody, because I hadn't expected the herb collecting to be so successful and thus take so long. But all the waiting and picture taking (...without my regular camera, because I thought it was broken. It turns out I just forgot how to use all of the settings. The frog pictures could have been so much better...) paid off! We went to the Czech Republic, to Decin, a super beautiful city on the Elbe River with big supermarkets that are open on Sunday and are full of delicious exotic sweets we don't know in Germany and can't pronounce in Czech!

Last Weekend's Adventure




















Stop! Only beavers are allowed down this trail! But I guess I'm allowed, since I am from Beaverton...

Last weekend we attempted to visit the beavers in the Dübener Heide. I say attempted because they are very elusive little guys, only emerging from their dams in twilight. We thought maybe we heard some after waiting around for nearly an hour in what we thought to be the twilight, but we sure didn't see any beavers. The only beaver we saw was on this sign. Though we did see some funny beaver traces, as you can see below. Or maybe these were also made by the park rangers to give the illusion of there actually being some beavers around.





















Hey! It didn't fall down! I bet the beavers were confused when this fencepost didn't fall over.

I have to admit, I was a little disappointed in the Dübener Heide, because it was very flat with not-so-exciting scenery. I think it's worth the trip if you actually get to see some beavers, but otherwise I'm not so sure... My husband said the best part of the Dübener Heide is Wittenberg, where we stayed on Saturday night. I was really impressed with Wittenberg, this is a very beautiful small city where you get American-style portions of food at prices which seem cheap compared to Dresden. And the food is really good. And even our three star hotel was very nice, clean with a very friendly staff and a good breakfast. We were wary of three star hotels following our three star experience in Berlin, which was not so good. It wouldn't have surprised me to find some body outlines on the floor of the hotel where we stayed in Berlin, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, on to Wittenberg. This is where the reformer Martin Luther lived and nailed his 95 theses to the door of the Schlosskirche. Unfortunately, the Schlosskirche to which he nailed his theses burned down, but you can see a door embossed with the theses at the same location. You can also climb the tower of the church for just 2 Euro to get a great view of the city.




















Schlosskirche tower















The roof of the Schlosskirche.

Wittenberg is full of Martin Luther stuff, since he is the city's biggest claim to fame. You can see his house, the church where he preached, his pulpit and all that kind of stuff. The city's other, newer claim to fame is the high school which was redesigned by Friedensreich Hundertwasser, that crazy Austrian architect. This colorful assymetrical school is a refreshing change of scenery after looking at lots of historical buildings and churches and cozy courtyards. This school was originally a pre-fab building put up in the GDR times, and there were lots of other schools around that looked exactly the same. The students had the idea to ask Hundertwasser to redesign their school in the 90s, and he did it free of charge. Below are some pictures.
































































Finally, to top it all off, we visited Gräfenhainichen, where there is a "City of Iron": Ferropolis. This is a display of old coal mining machines, also from GDR times, and boy are they big.




























If you look closely, you can see some people in the pictures, so you can get an idea how big these things are. You could go on the second one and have a look around, and I felt like I was going to puke. I'm a little afraid of heights, and it was windy up there. Unfortunately, this place could have given some more information for people like me who don't know so much about coal mining. It's neat to see the machines, but I'd like to know more about the whole situation and what the mines looked like and all that sort of jazz. Oh well, it was the end of the day and we were tired anyway.

My Easter Report

These are my real live German Easter eggs, colored myself, using wax and egg colors. A painstaking process, inspired by the Lower Lusatian tradition and my mother-in-law.

Finally I have something interesting to write about, something with substance: not just my boring neighbors or my swearing kid, though I could write more about them, but a fun and varied weekend.

Since we had a four day weekend for Easter, we decided to use it wisely with as much fun activity as possible. First, on Good Friday, we decided to use the weather which appeared to be good to go to a labyrinth near Bautzen. When we departed from Dresden, it had just started to rain, and when we arrived at the labyrinth, everything was muddy and it was still raining. Quick change of plans. We decided to go to Bautzen and get some food, look at the city, and hope the weather would improve. In Bautzen we were adventurous and tried Sorbian food, which seems pretty similar to German food, but in a funky traditional atmosphere. Below you can see the window in the restaurant.

The waitresses were also dressed in traditional clothes as shown in the window, and this fascinated not only me, but Wilhelm as well. He loved the waitresses. And the food. There was a wedding meal, consisting of meat (beef, I think, it wasn't mine) with horseradish sauce, potatoes with parsley and salad, and I had potatoes with quark and linseed oil and a big delicious salad. Mmm.

Then we looked at the city, which is quite charming. The historic center is just full of narrow meandering alleys and beautiful old houses. There's also a castle, a neat church ruin where beggars used to live and where later a water tower was built right into the ruin, and now there appears to be a house built into the ruin. The skyline is amazing because the landscape is a bit hilly, so the city looms on top of a hill with lots of towers and attractive buildings.

Bautzen's skyline

Where there are old houses, they may fall in. So just support them against each other!

Finally, we decided to venture back to the labyrinth, because the weather cooperated and got better. In the end because of mud in the labyrinth we went to the neighboring Saurierpark (Dinosaur Park) , of which I was rather apprehensive. I thought maybe it was just some sort of lame tourist trap. And at first glance, it seemed to be just that. Flashy displays and info-signs, a computer animated dinosaur movie, and lots of playground equipment for the kids. But then we got to the really interesting part, namely the part where it all started: in some guy's private garden. This guy was Franz Gruss, a trained artist, and he started sculpting dinosaurs in his garden in 1978, and he just couldn't stop. Later he was allowed to put some sculptures in the forest neighboring his garden, and this developed into what is now the Saurierpark. But the garden, I can't even describe how fantastic it is. It is absolutely brimming with sculptures of monkey-like people hunting wooly mammoths and eating the innards of their prey, landscapes with cliffs from which these monkey people are stalking their prey, and even some little artistic adventures, like a UFO and aliens, and a sculpture of what a dinosaur which had evolved to be somewhat human-like might have looked like. I highly, highly recommend this place, and recommend starting at the back, at the garden, because it is so full of sculptures that you can't really take it all in after spending the greater part of your time in the main park. Below are some pictures.

Above you can see the dinosaur-turned-man

Here are the aliens in the garden.

These guys are probably my favorites: I really like the tension you can see in the faces of the small monkey-people in back as they look at these Planet of the Apes-like guys in front of them,
thinking "Oh shit! Should I throw the rock? Should I spear him with my stick? What if they turn around?" And the big guys have these looks on their faces like, "Wow, my head is really big, but my brain is just so tiny. I don't even know if I can pick up that rock. I'm so confused."

Another bonus of the lifesize dinosaur sculptures: some of them have their mouths open, which really lends itself to placing a small child into said mouths. Wilhelm seems to still be processing this, because when he's playing by himself, I still hear him talking about dinosaurs over a week later. Hehehe.

The rest of the weekend was also nice. We grilled on the balcony and had a whole bunch of people over, once again throwing together some very funny combinations of our friends, had dinner with the fam in the Ore Mountains where there was still at least a foot of snow and counting, did some cleaning on Easter Monday and finally had some coffee and cake with friends to top it all off. But I think for me, Easter will now always have some connection with dinosaurs. Probably for Wilhelm too, since he was in at least 3 dinosaurs' mouths this Easter weekend...That can't be too easy to forget!

How did I get such a profane child?

I'm sure my mom is reading this right now and thinking "You're surprised your child is profane?", and really, she's probably right. I recall sitting in the backseat of the car on one of our many marathon car trips as a child and being thrilled to see graffiti that said things like "Eat me like a taco", which soon became one of my favorite sayings, and telling my parents in response to something they said "That's nice, and I don't mean the nice nice, I mean the smartass nice." just to be sure they knew what I meant. I guess I'm not surprised that my 21-month-old swears, I'm more impressed with his amazing accuracy.

You see, every time, really every time, I drop something or he breaks a glass or I stumble or whatever, he says "oh, man!"*, "Scheisse"**, or "F*!K"*, depending on the gravity of the situation. It's really amazing, and no matter how often I tell him that only white trash and Asis (German for trash, more or less) use those words and that people will think he's just that when he says it, he persists in his use of such expressions. The trouble is, most of the time, he says exactly what I feel. Often, I could really just say "You're exactly right" when he swears, but I feel it's not appropriate, because a child who is not yet two should not be using these words. I'm not perfect, I use words of this caliber as well, but mostly in appropriate situations, and not usually in public, because, as I always tell Wilhelm, only trash does this. The main battle is now not to get him to forget these words, because I am sure that they are burned into his memory by now, but to get him to use them at appropriate times.

*he did not learn this from me
**he learned this from me

Office Space

In one of my classes we started watching the movie Office Space last week, and I just found some funny things regarding this film. For example, a 30 second version of the film reenacted by bunnies here.

You can buy gear like they have in the Initech office here and here.

There's even a quiz with 100 questions about the film here.

Here you can take a quiz to find out which Office Space character you are. (I am the Bobs, those consultants who come to Initech to fire people...)

By the way, it's called Alles Routine in German.

I love new wave!



I hope you can see this video, if not maybe you have some issues with Java or Flash players or something like that. I don't know if you'll have the same reaction, but mine was some mix of "WTF??" and being proud of Ron and Rob's great work in a sort of teacher/mom way. Hmm.

More stellar sayings of 2007

It's been a reflective beginning of the year for me, and I've realized that I forgot some great sayings of 2007 in my "Year in Review" post from January. So here's some more...

Summer 2007

"Habt ihr euch eigentlich überlegt, was es für die Nachbarn oben bedeutet, wenn ihr auf eurem Balkon grillt?" (Have you actually thought about what it means for the neighbors upstairs when you grill on your balcony?) -Well, no, and to be honest, we don't really care. And this neighbor didn't do himself a favor with his well thought out saying, because now and forever he will be known as "Habt ihr euch eigentlich überlegt" to us, and we loathe him.

"Hallo? Hallo? Könntet ihr bitte dort drüben grillen? Das riecht sehr stark bei uns, und meine Freundin ist vegetarier." (Hello, hello? Could you please grill over there? The smoke smells really bad in our apartment, and my girlfriend is a vegetarian.) -Again, no, but I'm a vegetarian too, so you can come eat with us!

Grilling was a major theme for us in 2007, and the neighbors never liked it. The thing is, everyone grills in our courtyard and it stinks all the time, that's just a part of summer, so get over yourselves and deal with it.

"Could you watch my bike for me?" This was a question from "Habt ihr euch eigentlich überlegt" while we were eating breakfast on our balcony. And you know what we said? No. I'm sorry, but if you're going to run around with that ugly Monday-morning look on your face even on a sunny Saturday, I'm not going to watch your stupid bike just because you're too lazy to put the stupid lock on it. Come on, what're we supposed to do if someone steals it? Jump over our balcony and chase them? Seriously. Hast du es dir eigentlich überlegt?

Fall 2007

A little note on an ugly pink bike in our hallway DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF MY DOOR: "Hände weg von diesem Fahrrad!" (Hands off this bike) Apparently, other inhabitants of our house had been moving the bike and/or letting the air out of the tires (I saw it numerous times with flat tires). My reply, also on a little note: "Then put it in a reasonable place, brain surgeon."

This is a test.

What's wrong with the little burning Earth in the global warming graphic below?

Climate Change!



















I don't really know why everybody is talking about climate change all the time. Maybe it's interesting for them, but the thing I especially don't get is why they talk about it like it's something bad. Personally, I don't consider it a bad thing when I can safely ride my bike to work in the middle of January, without having to worry about ice or snow on the streets. I also don't mind being able to wear a light jacket when I go out for a little walk in the middle of winter. My son doesn't mind either, because all that winter gear he has to wear really gets on his last nerve. He can hardly walk, turn his head or move his arms with all those snow pants and thick coats and hats and layers of warm clothes. So what's the problem? Really, think about it: the dinosaurs died off because of climate change, glaciers melted because of climate change, lakes and rivers formed because of climate change. And this was always just the natural cycle of the earth! The dinosaurs didn't have cars, and whatever was living when the glaciers melted sure wasn't using lots of gas and oil and emitting carbon. This is just the natural course of the earth, and just because people haven't written anything like this down in the history books before doesn't mean that it's all our fault, or more specifically, all America's fault. But, if you want to give it your best and speed it up so we can all enjoy a few more warm winters in our lifetimes, go to this website about how you can control climate change, and just do the opposite!

I love shopping at the Plus Markt

Well, okay, I really don't love shopping at the Plus Markt, because it's just full of ridiculous characters who are pushy and don't say excuse me, one of my biggest pet peeves in this country anyway, as well as all of my rude neighbors who I don't ever want to see, and then there are the beggars who sit at the entry and huff the gas from various hairsprays and spray paints, their spinach is expensive, even though they claim to be "insanely cheap" in all their ads. But yesterday, Plus exceeded all of my expectations. We were doing some last minute emergency shopping just before the stores close until Monday, and were standing in the dreary line at the checkout. There was a small Asian woman ahead of us, probably a young student. She paid, started packing her purchases, and her phone rang. She answered in her native language very loudly, and this struck us as somewhat comical. We tried to supress our smiles and giggles, and the cashier noticed this as she was scanning our diapers and cheese. And then, with a sly smile, she imitated the Asian woman's speech. Just a couple syllables, and went back to scanning as if nothing had happened. No smile, nothing, just scan-beep-scan-beep... And we stared at each other, first shocked, and then we just lost it and cracked up. How inappropriate is that? I'm ashamed of myself. But still, though it was so incorrect it was also so hilarious. It was as if I was in a dream.

Well, maybe, just maybe, all that poop on the street could someday serve a useful purpose...

Dog Poop Shoe Prints Lead to Arrest

Thursday, January 10, 2008 12:25:18 PM

Dog isn't this man's best friend.

Josue Herrios-Coronilla, 18, drove his black Camaro on the wrong side of the road Wednesday and crashed into the yard of man who owns four dogs, police said.

Police found crushed bushes, a damaged fence, an inoperable car -- and a fresh shoe print in a pile of dog feces.

Following an odoriferous trail down the street, Sgt. Dale Gunter noticed a white van driving toward him. When he asked the passenger to step out, he noticed the smell of alcohol on the man's breath and evidence all over his shoes.

Herrios-Coronilla was charged with driving while impaired and drinking underage and released

on $1,500 bail. He could not immediately be reached for comment.

2007: the year in review

2007 was quite a year, with lots of long trips, big events and funny happenings. There were also some not so funny happenings, like the untimely deaths of the 2 sweetest bunnies ever, Wee and Waboose. But here I'm going to focus on some of the quotable quotes and crazy situations that I just happened to either overhear or be right in the middle of.

February: "Kriminalpolizei Peine, Schneider ist mein Name." -an undercover cop who showed us a metal "Kriminalpolizei" keychain as ID. We were pulled over because the taillights on the car were out. There seems to be a short circuit which only has problems in cold weather. It turns out you just have to beat the dashboard until it goes back on.

April: A part of Albertplatz was renamed Jorge-Gomondai-Platz here in Dresden-Neustadt, in honor of a man from Mozambique who was killed by skinheads near there. The man behind us on this very square said, in thick Saxon German and in an exasperated flat tone: "Das war so ein Schwarzer, der von angeblich Rechtsradikalen aus der Strassenbahn geworfen worden sein soll und dadran ist er dann gestorben." (That was a black guy who is said to have been thrown from the tram by supposed skinheads and died.)

July: In Puerto Santiago, Tenerife, Rico said dryly to Bettina: "Das glaube ich dir, Bettina," (I believe you Bettina) after Bettina excitedly pointed out the existence of a large supermarket nearby our hotel. This has since become my very favorite thing to say in any situation.

Imagine the biggest, hairiest British soccer thug, and imagine him saying "I'll never go back to Turkey again!" This guy was hanging out on the street, talking over the hedge to some people in a restaurant in Los Gigantes, Tenerife. I don't know why he'll never go back to Turkey, but if he's not there, it's just one more reason for me to go!

"Do I look like a f***ing c**t?" This question was posed by my travelling companion, also in Tenerife, in the city of Las Americas after being asked about ten times if he was from the Netherlands or England or other exotic far away places by people on the street wanting to sell things. They left us alone after this.

November: "Arsch hoch!" (Bottoms up!) -Willy. He says this if he even sees a diaper, because he knows that when you get changed, you have to put your bottom up!

More car news: for nearly the whole year (until November) the engine had been rattling and sounded like it was about to give out any second. Well, before a long drive, the driver decided to check the oil, and surprise! There was none! After pouring in one quart still nothing showed on the dipstick, another quart, just a tiny drop on the tip of the dipstick. Another quart or so and everything was okay, and the rattling was gone forever. It had been at least 2 years since the oil had been checked.

December: "Scheiße." (Shit) -Willy

"Das ist mein neuer kleiner Ständer." (That's my new little "tripod.") A certain colleague of mine said this in a certain vacation location about his new tripod. "Ständer" also has another meaning in German: erection.

"Do you have dolphin?" This is a question I wanted to pose in Los Cristianos, Tenerife, when we were walking around looking for something to eat. Usually people standing outside the restaurants bother you when you walk by, hoping to lure you into their tourist traps. Unfortunately, they amazingly left us alone. Maybe because we had a kid with us, maybe because we were fully clothed, as opposed to all the other people strutting their fat rings and saggy body parts in swimsuits or just their underwear. Or maybe I just looked so fed up with everything that they thought it better to leave me unspoken to.

The man who changed from his swimsuit to his regular clothes IN A RESTAURANT, at his table, right in front of me. This was also in Los Cristianos, after we had found some food. I wouldn't complain about it if this man had been somewhat young or in any way attractive, but he was neither. He was old and had a belly the size of Texas. He had the decency to put a towel around his bottom half as he slipped out of his swim trunks, but after he'd put on his tight white underwear, he removed the towel. I'll admit, the underwear were new shiny white, but did he really have to adjust his scrotum right in front of me while I was eating? (He really did, and with pleasure.)

"Temperament!!" -some Gomeran in San Sebastián. Of course he was talking to Willy, because he was pretty spirited during our vacation, to put it nicely. But I have to give the Spanish credit, they don't get nearly as wound up about a loud kid as Germans do! They take it with ease and come talk to him and ask him what's up ("Que pasa?"), they don't just sigh and roll their eyes and look at me like I'm abusing and/or neglecting my child.

"Na dann." (Well then.) -Willy

This performance will knock your socks off, and I'm not just saying it because these guys are my friends.

(If you don't see the video, go here: http://www.youtube.com/user/EclecticTheatreEV)

It's the most wonderful time of the year...











If you go shopping from today until the end of the year, these are the kind of crowds of remote-controlled beings you'll be dealing with.

Where do I even start? Today we started with the most innocent plans of spending a nice day in the city, doing some fun things (going to breakfast and to the aquarium) and doing something useful, like getting Willy a new warm coat. Breakfast was really, really good, and the aquarium was fun. After breakfast we wanted to show Willy the trains in the central station, and were then warned by a train station worker while looking at one of the high speed trains that we might not want to stand on that particular platform because a train full of football fans from Berlin would be arriving there shortly. We thought this might be funny, if only we could find a place to observe from out of reach of the rowdies. Noticing all the police officers in riot gear, we tried to discern where the rowdies would be going. Unfortunately, there were no riots, or we missed them, and so we continued on our way. We had a nice time at the aquarium, though it was a bit crowded, and I really can't stand a crowd. I guess this should have been a warning to go home and take a breather before going shopping. The real riot was just about to start.

Anyway, we ventured into the city, because 1) I wanted to buy some sweets, and 2) because Willy needs a new coat. We walked about 5 steps into the store where I could buy some sweets, and decided to take the quickest route back out. It was just full of people. Packed full, like a can of sardines is packed full. And I don't give up so easily when it comes to candy. Then we thought we would venture into the store with coats for kids, because we really do need this coat. It's cold here. We got about 10 steps inside when I had a complete meltdown and started swearing loudly in the middle of the store because people were literally pushing me, my child and my husband. Swearing loudly in public is generally not my thing, but this behavior I cannot accept. Is it not just good behavior to leave a little bit of space between yourself and the next person, especially when you don't know them, in a public space? A few minutes later I had another meltdown because some stupid jerk (and I really mean stupid jerk) pushed past the stroller and jumped over one wheel just to get past us. I cursed once again, loudly wondering what all the pushing and shoving was about, but of course no one cared. This really put me over the edge. I left the store, went across the street and waited. I felt pretty aggressive.

It got better. After leaving this area, we still had to make our way back to the car. On the way, we saw women dressed in clothing that made them look as though they were for sale, exposing amounts of skin that really isn't acceptable in the cold and holy Christmas season. The greatest was, however, a mother of a small baby in a stroller who actually rammed her stroller into ours and DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE BECAUSE SHE WAS TALKING ON HER CELL PHONE. Or she just didn't care, which is actually even more likely. Oh, yeah, then some guy tried to run us over with his car, just because we were walking on the SIDEWALK and he wanted to turn into a parking garage. I should have spit on his stupid station wagon. Or kicked it and really broken something.

The point of this is how incredibly pointless it is to get all wound up and just forget all good manners when December rolls around. This time of year is actually all about love and togetherness and all that jazz, right? I'm not even religious and I know that much. So why all the pushiness and aggression? If it's all too much for you, and you can't handle buying presents for so many people or whatever, then don't do it. Your relatives will probably thank you, because they don't like your presents anyway! They think about ways to get rid of them after they receive them! Just stay home and let normal people shop in peace for things they really need, like a warm coat for their kid.

Mmmmm, delicious deer















If only I could shoot this majestic whitetail deer relaxing in my parents' backyard...

It's true, today is the first day of deer season in Michigan and I'm missing it. To be more exact, it's the first day of rifle season, meaning you can blast away these animals with something like a canon. Up to today, you could only hunt with a bow and arrow during bow season. But starting today, like every year, you can go out and blow these beasts away with a gun! The kids have a day off from school, and some people even take a day off from work for this. Oh, man, I wish I was there. I miss all the Rocky Smiths with their beer cans and cowboy boots and rusty trucks. I especially miss hunter orange, the only fashion choice for fall. I miss the mailman's car getting accidentally shot by hunters and I miss not being allowed to wear a brown jacket because hunters could mistake me for a deer. I miss waking up to the sound of rifles being shot and people ringing the doorbell to ask if they can enter our property to search for the deer they hit, but which continued running and got away. Mmmm, I miss the smell of my brother butchering his deer at our house. And I miss the smell of sweet deer meat, or venison, frying on the stove. Deer season, I wish you were here. Well, not really.

The latest culinary delights from my kitchen

Well, I don't mean to turn this into a cooking blog or anything, but as the latest news is coming from my kitchen, that's just the way it is right now. Tomorrow is a holiday here in Germany, Day of German Reunification, commemorating, you guessed it, the reunification of East and West Germany. Since I don't have any students today or tomorrow, I thought I'd just proofread my latest translation then call it a day at around 10:00 this morning. So I had some time to cook something delicious: Chocolate Fudge Pudding. The choice was easy, I just looked for something chocolate-y for which I also had all of the ingredients already. Here's what you need:

50 grams or 4 tablespoons of butter, plus some extra for greasing the baking form
6 tablespoons of brown sugar or raw cane sugar
2 eggs, beaten
350 ml or 1 1/4 cups of milk
50 grams or 1/2 cup chopped walnuts
40 grams or 1/4 cup white flour
2 tablespoons of cocoa
confectioner's sugar and cocoa for dusting

-Grease an oven proof dish (it should be able to hold one liter)
-Cream the butter and sugar, then add the eggs
-Stir in the milk and nuts
-Sift in the flour and cocoa powder
-Pour this into the baking dish and bake at 180 C or 350 F for 35-40 minutes
-Dust with confectioner's sugar and cocoa powder and serve

As usual, I did some substituting: ground hazelnuts instead of walnuts, just because I didn't have any walnuts on hand. This is bafflingly easy and crazily delicious. I thought baked pudding would be much more complicated to prepare, that's why I was always hesitant to try this recipe, but it's really quick and simple. We let it cool for a half hour or so and then Willy and I tested it. It definitely passed the Willy test with flying colors: it not only got applause, but also many "mmms" and requests for more. Thanks to Ed and Dana for this recipe, it was in the cookbook you got me for my birthday last year!