Top Tenerife Travel Tips
- Heed the recommendations of the tour leaders. They are there to help you. For example, you really shouldn’t leave the city or town you’re staying in, and better yet, don’t even leave the hotel complex. Natives may be lurking around the entrance or the edge of the city to steal your cash, car and clothes from your body.
- Only go to restaurants that offer national specialties from your country of origin and have servers from your home country. You wouldn’t want to get the plague from the locals or have them steal your identity.
- Scold the natives if they don’t speak your language. I mean, if they have international clients, they should speak international languages. You’re on vacation, and shouldn’t have to have the stress of trying to communicate with your hosts in a language that is ultimately nothing compared to your language.
- Don’t waste your time sleeping at night. Then it’s cool and you don’t have the hot sun beating down on you. Stay up all night, drink as much liquor as possible, and go to your free hotel breakfast unwashed and with squinty eyes. Your fellow hotel guests will be jealous of your exciting life.
- Complain about the screaming children of other hotel guests audibly at breakfast. This has special impact in combination with number 6.
- Leave lost villages lost. They are lost for a reason. This reason could be that the inhabitants all died on the way to said lost village because of bad road conditions.
- Better yet, find lost villages (see 6) by accident the next day while on a completely different road in a place where the lost village is not shown on the map.
8. Don't forget, vacation is a fashion show. Whether for bikinis (or just bikini bottoms, as many bathers were guilty of), fancy dresses, short shorts, and incredibly low cut shirts, get it all out there! And shake it! This is the one time of year when your neighbors, coworkers and boss aren't looking!
Brought to you by your guide, Sarah, seen here enjoying her vacation to the fullest.
